Sleepless Snuggles

It's hard to be a momma sometimes. Sleep deprived nights come to mind as the top of the list of difficulties. At 2+ years old, we're still having some rough nights. The last round of sleeplessness was mostly due to the very long Christmas break followed by the heralded move to a big girl bed in mid-January. Toss a couple colds and recurring dry coughs in there and it's been a real party.

In the last week, everything seemed to be returning to our normal, pre-Christmas routine. A routine I'm quite familiar with and happy to continue. Phee falls asleep by 9:00 pm at the latest, wakes up once in the middle of the night for about 20 minutes of rocking, usually between 1:30 and 3:00 am and then sleeps until 7:00ish am. I can handle that. Waking up for 20 minutes to snuggle and rock one time a night? No problem! Who doesn't love snuggles anyway. So, we've happily been returning to that schedule over the last few days and it's been nice for all of us.

And then there was another bad pollen day and a dry cough started again. And by dry cough, I mean a cringe-inducing, barking cough that bolts me awake. I lie awake and listen, hoping that she doesn't end up in a long fit that has her gasping. And then she fully wakes up.

Last night, it was waking up twice. Trying a different cough medicine. Rocking Phee for ages.  Trying hot water with lemon and honey. And, as a last resort, bringing my pillows and blanket in and snuggling with her on the floor of her room. By that point, she was wide awake, though exhausted, and wanted to "nuggle with momma," but not actually sleep. After letting her turn over and over, steal my pillows, talk a little, look for more deedles (pacifiers), I finally threatened sleeping in her own bed again and that settled her down (after the second threat).

I was so irritated and exhausted. I felt so bad for her because nothing was working. And then she just wouldn't chill out and sleep.

When my alarm went off a mere hour after I passed out, there she was, sound asleep facing me, hands clasped in front of her face. So sweet and peaceful. I wanted a picture. I didn't dare take one.

But that darling little sleep pose more than made up for the sleepless night.

Kids suck you back in like that every day. Sweet little faces, unexpected phrases, funny games... they all makes the hard parts bearable. More than that, those fun moments outshine the hard stuff. Happy memories are so much easier to hold on to.

It's still hard to be a momma sometimes, but it's oh-so-rewarding and enjoyable more often than not.